A video on CNN caught my eye. The title, “Crying Mom Gives Up Baby,” piqued my interest. Add into the fact that it featured fire fighters and it hit high on my interest radar. I went into it with trepidation, of course.
In the general public hierarchy of birth mothers, mothers who relinquish via the Safe Haven system are not too far from the bottom rung. Now, don’t read into what I said. I said that’s how the general public tends to view mothers who choose to relinquish in this manner. While I don’t always agree with how Safe Haven law treats fathers or children, I know that these mothers were often more scared and more desperate than even the most frightened voluntarily relinquishing mother. I have compassion for this group of first mothers because they often went through an entire pregnancy entirely alone and without the basics when it comes to a support system. For example, I had a few friends. Often times these women had absolutely no one.
And so I was surprised when I watched the video. There wasn’t a negative spin. In fact, if there was any spin it was a realistic one. The fact that Safe Haven relinquishments aren’t very common was hit upon as was the fact that this could not have been an easy decision for the mother.
A quote I liked from one compassionate fire fighter.
I could see I mean how very difficult a decision it is. You know something like that is very difficult to make and a very personal decision.
Very true. Mothers who relinquish via Safe Haven are often misjudged in various ways. It is assumed that they didn’t cafe about the child or just decided on a whim to “give away” their baby. This is so often not the case. (Of course, I am of the belief that if mothers were even briefly counseled that they could see their real options for parenting but that is neither here nor there at this point.)
What I found most interesting was the fact that the mother and the baby in this state (California if you didn’t watch the video) are given matching hospital type bracelets with matching numbers. It is the only way that the mother and child can be identified with one another should the mother either change her mind or for a later reunion. I had not previously heard of such a thing. (And it’s not a surprise that I hadn’t heard of it as my Husband, a professional fire fighter and paramedic trained to receive Safe Surrender babies in the state of Ohio said that our state does not have such a thing.) I can see how this would be an exceptional idea for various reasons. Kudos to California for this little silver lining in what is often a cloudy, difficult to navigate situation.
My heart goes out to the mother and child this evening.
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For more on Safe Havens, read these posts.
